Kuzco: Will you take a look at that?
Pretty pathetic, huh?
Well, you'll never believe this,
but that llama you're looking at
was once a human being
And not just any human being
That guy was an emperor
A rich, powerful ball of charisma
This is his story
Well, actually my story
That's right- I'm that llama
The name is Kuzco
I was the world's nicest guy,
and they ruined my life for no reason
Oh, is that hard to believe?
Look, I tell you what You go back away-
you know, before I was a llama,
and this will all make sense
All right, now see, that's a little too far back
Oh, ho! Look at me!
That's me as a baby
Ahem! All right, let's move ahead
Theme song guy: There are despots and dictators
There are blue bloods with the intellects of fleas
There are kings and catty tyrants
Who are so lacking in refinements
They'd be better suited swinging from the trees
He was born and raised to rule
No one has ever been as cool
In a thousand years of aristocracy
An enigma and a mystery
In Mesoamerican history
The quintessence of perfection that is he
Kuzco: OK, this is the real me
- This - Not this.
- Winner! - Loser.
OK, see this palace?
Everyone in it is at my command
Check this out
Theme song guy.
He's the sovereign lord of the nation
He's the hippest cat in creation
He's the alpha, the omega, A to Z
And this perfect world will spin
Around his every little whim
'Cause this perfect world begins and ends with
What's his name?
That's his name
He's the king of the world
Is he hip or what?
You threw off my groove!
Guard: I'm sorry, but you've thrown off
the emperor's groove.
You were saying?
What's his name? Kuzco
Theme song guy: That's his name
Is he hip or what?
Don't you know he's the king of the world?
Aah! Your Highness,
it is time for you to choose your bride.
Trot out the ladies
Let's take a look-see.
Hate your hair. Not likely.
Yikes, yikes, yikes,
and let me guess.
You have a great personality.
Is this really the best you could do?
Oh, yes. Oh, no. I mean, perhaps-
Kuzco: What is he babbling about?
He's like the thing that wouldn't shut up
Anyway, still wondering about that llama in the opening?
Well, let me show you the people responsible for ruining my life
First, there's Pacha
Uh, excuse me.
I'm here to see Emperor Kuzco.
You see, I got this summons-
Guard: Inside, up the stairs, and to the left
Just follow the signs
Oh, great. Thanks a lot.
Kuzco: Uh, and don't be fooled by the folksy peasant look
Old man: Pardon me That's mine
Oh, here you go.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
Aah! Oh, hey. Are you all right?
Here. Let me, uh-
Oh, you're so very kind.
I threw off the emperor's groove.
- What? - His groove!
The rhythm in which he lives his life,
his pattern of behavior.
I threw it off,
and the emperor had me thrown out the window.
I'm supposed to see him today.
Don't throw off his groove!
Beware the groove.
Hey, are you gonna be all right?
Kuzco: You see what I mean?
This guy's trouble, but as bad as he is,
he is nothing compared to what's coming up next
Yzma: And why have you come here today?
Your Highness- I mean, Your Grace.
Kuzco: OK, gang Check out this piece of work
This is Yzma, the emperor's advisor-
living proof that dinosaurs once roamed the Earth
And let's not forget Yzma's right-hand man
Every decade or so she gets a new one
This year's model is called Kronk
Yeah, I got that there, Yzma.
Kuzco: Yep, that's Kronk
Now lately, Yzma's gotten into this bad habit
of trying to run the country behind my back,
and I?thinking that's got to stop
It is no concern of mine
whether your family has...
What was it again?
Ha! You really should have thought of that
before you became peasants.
We're through here.
Take him away. Next!
Kuzco: The nerve of some of those peasants, huh?
Tell me about it. Aah!
Ooh, Your Highness.
Oh, oh, oh, ha ha ha. Um...
Uh, you were doing it again.
Doing? Doing... Doing what?
Doing my job.
I'm the emperor,
and you're the emperor's advisor.
But, Your Highness,
I was only dealing with meaningless peasant matters.
Look at these wrinkles
What is holding this woman together?
How long has that been there?
Kronk: Good thinking, Yzma
What do you say, Kuzco?
Whoa! No touchy!
No touchy. No touch.
Servant: Excuse me, Your Highness
The village leader is here to see you.
Oh, great. Send him in.
Oh, and by the way, you're fired.
W- W-What do you mean, fired?
Um, how else can I say it?
You're being let go,
your department's being downsized,
you're part of an outplacement,
we're going in a different direction,
we're not picking up your option...
Take your pick. I got more.
But I- You-uh-
But- But, Your Highness,
I have been nothing if not loyal to the empire
for-for-for many, many years.
Hey, hey, everybody hits their stride.
You just hit yours 50 years ago.
So... who's in my chair?
Kronk: Oh, oh! I know!
Yzma's in your chair, right?
Very good, Kronk.
Here. Get the snack.
OK, you heard the man.
Up, up, up.
Kronk: I?ok I'm fine
ok. Show him in.
Uh, afternoon, Your Highness.
I'm here because I received a summons-
Kuzco: Hey, there he is!
My main village man.
Anyway, I got this summons-
You are just the man I wanted to see.
Word on the street is you can fix my problem.
You can fix my problem, can't you?
Sure. I'll do what I can.
Good, good. That's just what I wanted to hear.
Are you aware of just how important
your village is to the empire?
Well, I know we grow the crops
that you use here at the palace.
We also herd the lamas that you-
You got a pretty sweet little setup there
on top of that hill, don't you? Ha ha ha!
Yeah. My family has lived on that hilltop
for the last 6 generations.
So tell me,
where do you find you get the most sun?
Oh, I'd say
just on the other side of those trees.
When the sun hits that ridge just right,
these hills sing.
Well, that settles it.
Yep. Problem solved.
Thanks for coming.
That's all you wanted me for?
I just needed an insider's opinion
before I ok'd this spot for my pool.
Uh... your pool?
Welcome to Kuzcotopia,
my ultimate summer getaway
complete with water slide.
Isn't it great?
It's my birthday gift to me. Ha!
I'm so happy.
um... I don't understand how this could happen.
Well, let me clear it up for you.
At my birthday celebration tomorrow,
I give the word,
and your town will be destroyed
to make way for this...
So, if I were you,
I'd pick up some change-of-address forms
on the way home.
But, um, where will we live?
Don't know, don't care.
Oh, but wait. You can't-
When I give the word,
your little town thingy will be bye-bye.
Oh, w-wait. No-
Heh heh. Boohoo.
Kuzco: Oh, yeah Everything was going my way
Kuzco: Or so I thought
He can't get rid of me that easily.
Who does that ungrateful little worm think he is?
A little to the left.
...have any idea of who he's dealing with?
How could he do this to me?
Why, I practically raised him.
Yeah, you think he would've turned out better.
Yeah, go figure.
Well, it's better you're taking out your anger
on these things instead of the real Kuzco, huh?
That's it, Kronk!
I'll get rid of Kuzco. Ha ha ha ha ha!
The real Kuzco?
Of course the real Kuzco.
Don't you see? It's perfect.
With him out of the way and no heir to the throne,
I'll take over and rule the empire.
So how does that work
with you being fired and all?
The only ones who know about that are the three of us,
soon to be the two of us.
And I'm one of those two, right?
To the secret lab!
Pull the lever, Kronk.
Yzma: Wrong lever!
Why do we even have that lever?
Get out of my way!
Skull: Please remain seated
and keep your arms and legs in at all times
Kronk: Faster, faster!
Yzma, put your hands in the air!
Kronk: Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!
Ah, how shall I do it?
Oh, I know.
Yzma: I'll turn him into a flea,
a harmless little flea,
and then I'll put that flea in a box,
and then I'll put that box inside of another box,
and then I'll mail that box to myself,
and when it arrives,
Ah ha ha ha!
I'll smash it with a hammer!
It's brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, I tell you!
Genius, I say!
Or, to save on postage,
I'll just poison him with this.
Take it, Kronk.
Oh ho ho ho. Feel the power.
I can feel it.
Our moment of triumph approaches.
Ah ha ha ha ha ha!
It's dinner time.
So... is everything ready for tonight?
Oh, yeah. I thought we'd start off
with soup and a light salad
and then see how we feel after that.
Not the dinner...
The you know.
Oh, right. The poison-
The poison for Kuzco,
the poison chosen specially to kill Kuzco,
Yes! That poison.
Got you covered.
A few drops in his drink,
then I'll propose a toast,
and he will be dead before dessert.
Which is a real shame,
because it's gonna be delicious.
Boom, bam, baby!
Kuzco: Let's get to the grub
I am one hungry king of the world.
So... no hard feelings about being let go?
Kronk, get the emperor a drink.
Is something burning?
My spinach puffs!
So... he seems...
Heh. He is.
He's what, in his late twenties?
Heh heh. I'm not sure.
- That's great. - Yzma: Great!
- Good job. - Very good job.
Watch it. They're still hot.
Heh heh heh.
Kronk. The emperor
needs his... drink.
Right. Oh. Right.
Hey, Kronky, everything ok back there?
Ooh. The drinks were a bit on the...
oh... ugh... warm side.
Hey, did you see that sky today?
Talk about blue.
Ha ha ha. Yes, Kronk.
A toast to the emperor!
Long live Kuzco!
Don't drink the wine.
Yzma: Finally! Ha ha ha!
Good work, Kronk.
Oh, they're so easy to make.
I'll get you the recipe.
Now to get rid of the body.
OK! What were we saying?
Uh... we were just making a toast
Yzma: to your long and
Right. So what are you gonna do?
I mean, you've been around here a long time,
and I really mean a long time. Um...
Kuzco: It might be difficult
for someone of your age
adjusting to life in the private sector.
Hey, Kronk, can you top me off, pal?
Be a friend? Heh heh.
Kuzco: Now, about you finding new work
Hit him on the head.
that's-that's gonna be tough
Because you're you know
Let's face it You're no spring chicken,
and I mean that in the best possible way.
What? A llama?
He's supposed to be dead!
Let me see that vial.
This isn't poison.
This is extract of llama. Ugh!
You know, in my defense,
your poisons all look alike.
You might think about
re labeling some of them.
Take him out of town and finish the job now!
What about dinner?
Kronk, this is kind of important.
How about dessert?
Well, I suppose there's time for dessert.
All right. A quick cup of coffee.
Then take him out of town and finish the job!
Kronk: Cha cha cha cha
Kuzco: Guess where I am right now
Uh-huh. In the bag
Still think I'm not the victim here?
Watch. It gets better.
Hey! Ba-da ba-da ba-da-da
Kuzco: Ugh, he's doing his own theme music?
Ba-da ba-da ba-da ba
Kuzco: Gig, dumb, and tone deaf
I am so glad I was unconscious for all of this
Kronk angel: You're not just gonna let him
die like that, are you?
My shoulder angel.
Kronk devil: Don't listen to that guy
He's trying to lead you
down the path of righteousness.
I'm gonna lead you down the path that rocks.
Oh, come off it.
You come off it!
- You. - You.
- You. - You infinity.
Listen up, big guy.
I got 3 good reasons why you should just walk away.
" Number one... "
Look at that guy!
He's got that sissy stringy music thing.
We've been through this.
It's a harp, and you know it.
Oh, right. That's a harp...
and that's a dress.
Reason number 2.
Look what I can do.
Ha ha ha!
But... what does that have to do with anything?
No, no. He's got a point.
Listen, you guys.
You're sort of confusing me, so be gone!
Uh, or, uh, you know.
However I get rid of you guys.
Kuzco: Um, what's with the chimp and the bug?
Can we get back tome?
Oh, boy. Think, think, think.
What to do, what to do?
What do we do with the body?
What am I gonna tell the village?
Come on, Kronky. Come on, Kronky. ok.
Kronk: What do I do? What do I do?
Kronk: Back! Elbow! Shoulder!
Oh. Hey! Hey, you!
Kronk: Hey! Excuse me. Excuse me.
Stop! Pardon me. Excuse me. Sorry about that.
Coming through. Hey, you with the cart!
This is not good.
Uhh. Hope that doesn't come back to haunt me.
Tipo: Mom, Mom! I think I'm still growing!
Measure me again!
Chicha: Ha! All right, Tipo.
Stand still and let's see.
Mom, you and I both know
that it's impossible for him
to have grown in the last 5 minutes.
Look how much you've grown!
What? Tipo, get out of the way.
It's my turn again. Measure me.
Hey, ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!
Pacha: Come here Ha ha ha!
Dad! I ate a bug today!
Oh! Was Mom baking again?
Heh. Don't tell her I said that.
Chicha: I heard that.
OK, everybody, move aside
Lady with a baby coming through.
Dad, Dad, Dad!
Look at how big I am!
We were all measured today.
I'm going through a growth spurt.
I'm as big as you were
when you were me.
Mm-hmm. Sure are.
That's not as impressive as my loose tooth. See?
OK, ok, you two.
Our deal was that you could stay awake
until Daddy came home.
Now say good night.
Both: Dad, do we have to?
No, you two can stay up.
We're just gonna be sitting here telling each other
how much we love each other.
- Ew! - Blecch!
Both: Good night.
So what did the emperor want?
You know what? He couldn't see me.
Couldn't see you?
- Why not? - I don't know.
Well, that's just rude.
Well, he is the emperor.
I'm sure he's busy.
No, no, no, no. No.
Emperor or no emperor, it's called common courtesy.
If that were me, I'd march right back there
and demand to see him, and you know I would.
Sweetie, sweetie, think of the baby.
Pacha, I'm fine.
This baby's not coming for a while,
but even if it was,
I'd give that guy a piece of my mind.
That kind of behavior just-just-
I gotta go wash something.
Oh, yeah. I'm just a little tired from the trip.
Um... I?gonna go put Misty away.
Uh, heh heh. Hi. Excuse me.
2 seconds here.
Um, I'm the one in the cart. Remember?
This story's about me, not him.
ok. You got it? All right.
We're gonna move ahead. Sorry to slow you down.
Heh heh heh.
Where'd you come from, little guy?
Aah! Demon llama!
Demon llama? Where?
- Aah! - Aah!
Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Ooh hoo hoo!
Ow! Ow, my head.
OK, demon llama.
Just take it easy.
I mean you no harm.
What are you talking about-
Oh, wait. I know you.
You're that whiny peasant.
Yeah. Who do you think you were talking to?
Uh... how did-
look like the emperor.
What do you mean I don't look like the emperor?
What is this, some kind of little game
you country folk like to-
Aah! It can't be! Aah!
My face! Aah! My beautiful, beautiful face!
OK, ok, ok.
I'm an ugly, stinky llama!
Wait, ok, Your Majesty.
- llama face! - Shh!
I'm trying to figure that out, ok?
I can't remember.
I can't remember anything.
Wait a minute.
I remember you.
I remember telling you
that I was building my pool
where your house was,
and then you got mad at me.
And you turned me into a llama!
What? No, I did not.
Yes, and then you kidnapped me.
Why would I kidnap a llama?
I have no idea.
You're the criminal mastermind, not me.
Hmm. You're right.
That's giving you way too much credit.
ok. I have to get back to the palace.
Yzma's got that "secret lab. "
I'll just snap my fingers
and order her to change me back.
Hey, you. No time to waste.
Hey, tiny, I want to get out of this body.
Wouldn't you? Now let's go.
Build your summerhouse somewhere else.
You want to run that by me again?
I can't let you go back
unless you change your mind
and build your summer home somewhere else.
Hmm. I got a little secret for you.
Come here. No, closer.
I don't make deals with peasants!
Then I guess I can't take you back.
Fine. I don't need you.
I can find my own way back.
I wouldn't recommend it.
It's a little dangerous if you don't know the way.
Nice try, pal.
No, really. I'm telling you,
Pacha: There are jaguars and snakes
I'm not listening.
I'm not kidding.
Listen, you cannot go in there.
La la la la
Oh. Heh heh. Still not listening.
If there's no Kuzco,
there's no Kuzcotopia.
Takes care of my problem.
Scary jungle. Right.
Ooh, a leaf. Ooh, it might attack me.
Oh, it's a scary tree.
I'm afraid. Ha ha.
Please. Never find my way? I'm the emperor,
and as such,
I'm born with an innate sense of direction.
OK, where am I?
Help me! Help me!
Fly: Too late.
OK, that was the freakiest thing I've ever seen.
Hmm. What do you want?
Oh, for me?
Why, I don't know what to say.
Hit the road, bucky.
No, no. No, no, no, no.
No, no. No, don't.
You killer jaguars...
Don't worry, Your Highness. I gotcha.
You're safe now.
Maybe I'm just new to this whole rescuing thing,
but this, to me,
might be considered kind of a step backwards,
wouldn't you say?
No, no, no. It's-It's ok.
This-This is all right.
We can figure this out.
I hate you.
- No! - Yaah!
Kuzco: Aah! Ow!
Kuzco: Whoo hoo hoo!
I don't know about you,
but I'm getting all funned out.
Don't tell me.
We're about to go over a huge waterfall.
- Yep. - Sharp rocks at the bottom?
Bring it on.
Your Highness, can you hear me?
Oh, boy. Come on, breathe.
Ohh. Why me?
- Ohh! - Aah!
- Ohh! - Ohh!
Pacha: For the last time,
it was not a kiss.
Well, whatever you call it...
it was disgusting.
And if you would've done
what I ordered you to do in the first place,
we all could've been spared
your little kiss of life.
But now that you're here,
you will take me back to the palace.
I'll have Yzma change me back,
and then I'll start construction
OK, now, look,
I think we got off on the wrong foot here.
I just think if you really thought about it,
you'd decide to build your home
on a different hilltop.
And why would I do that?
deep down, I think you'll realize
that you're forcing an entire village
out of their homes just for you.
Nobody's that heartless.
Now take me back.
What? Wait, wait.
How can you be this way?
All you care about is building your summer home
and filling it with stuff for you.
Uh, yeah. Doh. Me.
Everyone else in the kingdom gets it.
You're the only one that doesn't seem to be
with the program,
You know what?
Someday, you're going to wind up all alone,
and you'll have no one to blame but yourself.
Thanks for that. I'll log that away.
Now, for the final time,
I order you to take me back to the palace.
Looks to me like you're stuck out here,
because unless you change your mind,
I'm not taking you back.
Because unless you change your mind,
I'm not taking you back.
Me, me, me. Moo, moo, moo.
I didn't do anything. I didn't-
Somebody's throwing stuff.
You going to build a fire or what? What's going on?
He's never going to change his mind.
Ohh. How am I ever going to get out of here?
Yzma: And so,
it is with great sadness
that we mourn the sudden departure
of our beloved prince...
taken from us so tragically
on the very eve of his 18th birthday.
Poor little guy.
His legacy will live on in our hearts...
He never had a chance.
for all eternity.
Well, he ain't getting any deader.
Back to work.
Yzma: Kronk, darling,
I must admit you had me worried
when you mixed up those poisons,
but now that Kuzco is dead,
all is forgiven.
Ah. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's...
Heh. He's dead, all right. Heh heh.
I mean, you can't get much deader than he-
than he is right now.
Unless, of course, we killed him again.
Hey, look, the royal dresser's here.
I should tell you right now I'm kind of hard to fit.
I wear a 66 long and a 31 waist.
Kuzco is dead, right?
Tell me Kuzco's dead.
I need to hear these words.
Do you need to hear all those words exactly?
He's still alive?
Well, he's not as dead as we would've hoped.
I just thought I'd give you the heads-up
in case Kuzco ever came back.
He can't come back!
Yeah. That would be kind of awkward-
especially after that lovely eulogy.
You and I are going out to find him.
If he talks, we are through!
Now let's move!
Dad, look out!
Tipo, what is it?
I had a dream that Dad was tied to a log
and was careening out of control
down a raging river of death!
All right, all right, it's ok.
- It was awful! - Shh!
It's ok, it's ok. Tipo, calm down.
It was just a dream.
Your dad's fine.
He just went back to see the emperor.
Oh. Like you told him to,
'cause you're always right.
Well, in my dream, Dad had to kiss a llama.
Yeah, like that would ever happen.
- It could. - Nuh-uh.
- Yeah-huh. - Nuh-uh.
Good night, you two.
- Night, Mom! - Night, Mom!
- Yeah-huh. Yeah-huh. - Nuh-uh. Nuh-uh.
Kuzco: Uh, hey
Feels like wool.
Oh, yeah, it is.
Oh, yeah, I thought so.
My wife made it.
Oh, she knits?
So, I was thinking that when I got back to the city,
I mean, there's lots of hilltops,
and maybe I might, you know...
I- I might...
Are you saying...
you've changed your mind?
Oh, well, I-I...
Because you know that means
you're doing something nice for someone else.
No, I know that. I know.
And you're all right with that?
Don't shake unless you mean it.
Let's get you back to the palace.
Oh, by the way, thanks.
Pacha: ok. Once we cross this bridge,
it's only an hour to the palace.
Kuzco: Good, because believe it or not,
I think I need a bath.
I believe it.
- What was that? - Nothing.
- Yeah? - Quick, help me up!
No. I don't think I will.
You're going to leave me here?
Well, I was going to have you imprisoned for life,
but I kind of like this better.
I thought you were a changed man.
Oh, come on. I had to say something
to get you to take me back to the city.
So all of it was a lie?
Well, yeah. No, wait.
Uh, yeah, yeah. It all was a lie.
We shook hands on it!
You know, the funny thing about shaking hands is...
you need hands.
Are you ok? Are you all right?
Yeah. I think I'm all right.
That's for going back on your promise!
Yeah. That's for kidnapping me
and taking me to your village...
which I'm still gonna destroy, by the way.
Ah ha ha ha! No touchy.
Why did I risk my life
for a selfish brat like you?
I was always taught that there was some good in everyone,
but, ooh, you proved me wrong.
Oh, boohoo. Now I feel really bad.
I could've let you die out there in that jungle,
and then all my problems would be over.
Well, that makes you ugly and stupid.
Let's end this.
Aah! - Yaah!
- Aah! - Aah!
- Ow! Ow! - Ow! Ow!
- Whoa! - Ohh!
Kuzco: What are we gonna do?
What are we gonna do? We're gonna die!
We're gonna die! That's it for me!
Pacha: No, we're not
I have an idea. Give me your arm.
OK, now the other one.
When I say go, push against my back,
and we'll walk up the hill.
You did that on purpose.
- Aah! - No, I didn't!
Now, we're gonna have to work together
to get out of this, so follow my lead.
- Right foot. - Whose right?
Your right or mine?
I don't care. Mine.
Well, why yours?
OK, your right! Ready?
OK, got it.
Ha ha! Look, we're moving!
Don't look down! Now, stay with me.
Stay with me.
Now what, genius?
Working on it.
OK, here's the deal.
Stretch out your neck,
and I'll grab the rope.
How do I know you won't let me fall
after you grab the rope?
You're just gonna have to trust me!
Kuzco: You know, it's a good thing
you're not a big, fat guy,
or this would be really difficult.
Kuzco: Aah! Aah!
Take your time. No hurry here.
Scorpions! Aah ha ha!
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
Ooh, look at me and my bad self.
I snatched you right out of the air.
"Ooh, I'm a crumbly canyon wall,
and I'm taking you with me. "
Well, not today, pal.
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
You just saved my life.
- I knew it. - Knew what?
That there is some good in you after all.
- Kuzco: Oh, no - Admit it.
- Wrong. - Yes, there is.
- Nuh-uh. - I think there is.
- Hey, you could've let me fall. - Nuh-uh!
Come on, what's the big deal?
Nobody's that heartless.
Don't read too much into it.
It was a one-time thing.
Well, we better get going.
With that bridge out,
it's a 4-daywalk to the palace.
You mean you're still taking me back?
I shook on it, didn't I?
Well, yeah, but I hope you realize
that doesn't change a thing.
I'm still building Kuzcotopia
when I get back.
Well, 4 days is a long time.
Who knows? Maybe you'll change your mind.
What are the chances of you carrying me?
Yzma: No, no, no!
We've searched every village
surrounding the palace
and still no sign of Kuzco.
Where is he?
I'm getting tired. Pull over.
Sure thing. Kronk out.
These are my best shoes.
I hate this jungle.
A golden-throated small-winged warbler.
Just one more for exotic bird bingo.
I am loving this.
Get away from me!
Yeah. Tell me about it.
No, no, it's not you.
She's not the easiest person to get close to.
There's a wall there. Trust me.
Are you talking to that squirrel?
I was a junior chipmunk.
I had to be versed in all the woodland creatures.
Hey, it doesn't always have to be about you.
This poor little guy has had it rough.
Seems a talking llama
Kronk: gave him a hard time the other day
Oh, a talking llama?
Ha ha ha ha! Do tell.
Heh heh heh heh!
Uh, he doesn't really want to talk to you.
Well, then you ask him.
I hate being in the middle.
squeak, squeaker, squeaking.
Jaguars? No kidding? Brutal.
Uh, could you give us a little room here?
A little bit more, please.
How is this?
Yeah, that's good.
Now ask him which way the talking llama went!
Uh, squeakity-squeak, squeaking.
Low blood sugar, huh?
Yeah. It's a curse. Ha.
Well, as soon as we get something to eat,
you're walking the rest of the way.
Welcome to Mudka's Meat Hut,
home of the mug...
...of meat. What'll it be?
Ahem. We'll have 2 specials.
Is that all right, dear?
Oh, whatever you say, pumpkin. You know what I like.
Hee hee hee. We're on our honeymoon.
Bless you for coming out in public.
So that's 2 specials.
And an onion log. To split.
Ordering! I need 2 heartburns
and a deep-fried doorstop on table 12!
Pacha: OK, so I'll admit this was a good idea.
When will you learn that all my ideas are good ones?
because I thought you going into the jungle by yourself,
being chased by jaguars,
lying to me to take you back to the palace
were all really bad ideas.
Anything sounds bad when you say it with that attitude.
Hot and crispy pill bug for the happy couple.
Ooh. Ugh. Bluh.
Pacha: Oh, here Let me get that for you
Where are you going?
I'm just going to slip into the kitchen
and have a word with the chef.
You're gonna get us thrown out.
Please. With this disguise,
We've been walking around in circles
for who knows how long.
That is the last time
we take directions from a squirrel.
I should have done away with Kuzco myself
when I had the chance.
Oh, you really gotta stop beating yourself up about that.
Kronk: Uh-oh I'll get you another one there, Yzma
You using that fork there, pal?
Hey, don't I know you?
I don't think so.
Wrestled you in high school?
Don't remember that.
Metal shop? I got it!
Miss Narca's interpretive dance-2 semesters.
I was usually in the back because of my weak ankles.
Come on, pal. You gotta help me out here.
I don't think we've ever met,
but I gotta go.
Don't worry. I'll think of it.
Look, all I know is the food looked iffy.
I'm not the only one that thinks that, I'm sure.
So I'm just checking to make sure
you're going to take the main course up a notch.
Is there anything on this menu
that is not swimming in gravy?
Hang on. I'll go ask the chef.
It's a simple question.
Is there or is there not anything edible...
- on this menu? - Gah!
Hey, I didn't ask him about dessert yet!
Hey, pal, what's your policy on making special orders?
All right, buster, that's it!
You want a special order, then you make it!
Yeah, but I-
I try and I try, but there's no respect
for anyone with vision. That's it!
There's just nothing I can do about it!
Please don't go.
3 pork combos, extra bacon on the side,
2 chili cheese samplers,
a basket of liver and onion rings,
a catch of the day,
and a steak cut in the shape of a trout.
You got all that, honey?
3 oinkers wearing pants, plate of hot air,
basket of grandma's breakfast,
and change the bull to a gill, got it.
What's going on?
No time to explain. We gotta get out of here.
What is he doing in there?
Unh! Come on!
In a minute. I'm still hungry.
OK, I'll make it simple for you.
I'll have a spinach omelet with wheat toast.
- You got it? - Can do.
What's taking so long?
Kronk! What are you doing?
Kinda busy here.
Yzma: Why am I not surprised?
Your order's up!
Oh, well, while you're at it,
make me the special. And hold the gravy!
You know what? On second thought,
make my omelet a meat pie.
Kronk: Meat pie Check
Can I order the potatoes as a side dish?
I'll have to charge you full price.
Hey, how about a side of potatoes, my buddy?
You got it. Want cheese on those potatoes?
Thank you, Kronk. Cheddar will be fine.
Cheddar spuds coming up.
Spuds yes, cheese no.
Hold the cheese.
Yzma: No, I want the cheese
Cheese me no like.
- Cheese out. - Cheese in!
Come on, make up your mind!
OK, ok, on second thought...
Both: Make my potatoes a salad.
Excuse me. You see that woman over there?
No problem, hon. We do that all the time.
Waiters: 1, 2, 3, 4
Happy, happy birthday
From all of us to you
We wish it was our birthday
So we could party, too
Happy, happy birthday
May all your dreams come true
Ha ha ha! It's your birthday?
What are you doing?
Look, there's 2 people in there looking for you.
A big guy and a skinny old woman.
Wait. Was this woman scary beyond all reason?
That's Yzma and Kronk! I'm saved!
Trust me, they're not here to save you.
They'll take me back to the palace.
Thanks for your help. You've been great.
I can take it from here.
You don't understand. They're trying to kill you.
Kill me? Their whole world revolves around me.
No. I can't let you!
Oh, I get it!
You don't want to take me back to the palace.
You want to keep me stranded out here forever.
This has all been an act, and I almost fell for it.
Will you just listen to me-
No, no, you listen to me.
All you care about is your stupid hilltop!
You don't care about me. Now, just get out of here.
- Go! - But-
Go on! Get outta here!
Oh, this entire mess is all your fault.
What'd I do?
If you hadn't mixed up those poisons,
Kuzco would be dead now!
There'll be no more diversions
until we track that llama down and kill him!
Said I was sorry. Can't just let it go.
Not even on your birthday.
Yzma: Kuzco must be eliminated
The empire will finally be rid of that useless slug
Kronk: You got a point
Nobody really seems to care that he's gone, do they?
Kuzco: So this is where you came in
See, just like I said, I'm the victim here
I didn't do anything, and they ruined my life
and took everything I had
Hey, give it a rest up there, will you?
What? I?just telling them what happened
Who you kidding, pal?
They saw the whole thing, they know what happened.
Well, yeah, but
Just leave me alone.
The peasant at the diner!
He didn't pay his check.
He's the peasant who I saw leaving the city
who disappeared into the crowd
with Kuzco on the back of his cart.
He must have taken him back to his village,
so if we find the village, we find him,
and if we find him, we find Kuzco.
Oh, yeah, it's all coming together.
This had better be good!
Pacha: So, there we were standing on the cliff,
and the ground started to rumble
And just as it started to go,
he grabbed me before I fell
Do you believe that?
You know, call me crazy
for following this guy all the way out here,
but as much as he tries to deny it,
I know there's some good in him
Besides, I couldn't just leave him out here all alone.
He's a lousy llama.
I mean, a really lousy llama.
Hey, listen, Pacha,
you know, what I said to you back at the diner,
that-that- I- I didn't really...
So... you tired of being a llama?
OK, we're just gonna stop at the house
and get some supplies.
- Then we'll be on our way, right? - Right.
Hey there, Pacha. You just missed your relatives.
We just sent them up to your house.
What did they look like?
See, there was this big guy
and this older woman who was...
How would you describe her?
Scary beyond all reason.
Yeah, that's it.
So, remind me again how you're related to Pacha?
Why, I'm his third cousin's brother's
wife's step-niece's great-aunt. Heh heh.
Isn't that right, Kronk?
99 monkeys jumping on the bed
One fell off and bumped his head
You know, I am so sorry that you had to come all this way,
but as I said to you before,
you may recall, Pacha is not here.
I'll be sure and tell him you came by.
Oh, would you, please? That would be just great.
Oops. Silly me.
No, no. Allow me.
She's hiding something.
When I give the word, we search the house.
OK, but I still have 94 monkeys to go.
So, while we're waiting for Paca-
Perhaps we can have a tour of your lovely home.
You know, why don't you just come back
when Pacha gets home?
I'm sure he'd love to show you the...
Excuse me, won't you?
I think I left something in the oven.
This is my variation of double-dutch.
On the signal, we switch places.
Kronk, it's time!
So, we have to get back to the palace,
find the lab, and change him back.
- That was him. - Whoops.
You know what?
I don't believe you're really my great-aunt.
You're more like my great-great-great...
Go. I'll stall them long enough
for you two to get a head start.
You have a lovely wife.
They're both very pretty.
Grr! All right!
Are you through?
So, where were we?
Listen, sister, we're not leaving until-
I show you the house. Of course.
Was it a good idea to leave your family with those two?
Oh, don't worry. They can handle themselves.
What do you mean, the door is stuck?
Try jiggling the handle.
There is no handle in here.
There's not? Are you sure?
All right, I've had enough of this.
Tell us where the talking llama is
and we'll burn your house to the ground.
Uh, don't you mean "or"?
Tell us where the talking llama is
or we'll burn your house to the ground.
Well, which is it?
That seems like a pretty crucial conjunction.
That's it! Kronk, break the door down!
Break it down? Are you kidding me?
This is hand-carved mahogany.
I don't care, you fool. Get out of my way.
I'll break it down myself.
OK, kids, you know what to do.
OK, children, on your mark,
get set, go!
Ow! Ow! Stop it, you little brats! Huh?
Oh, there they go, Kronk! They're getting away!
Ha ha ha! Well, I had a great time.
Let's not wait until the next family reunion
to get together.
I, uh, I gotta run.
OK, why does she even have that lever?
Skull: Please remain seated
and keep your arms and legs in at all times
What does it look like?
I don't know. Just keep looking.
It has to be one of these. Lions, tigers, bears...
Yzma: Oh, my
Looking for this?
No! It can't be!
How did you get back here before us?
Uh... how did we, Kronk?
Well, you got me.
By all accounts, it doesn't make sense.
Oh, well, back to business.
OK, I admit it.
Maybe I wasn't as nice as I should have been,
but, Yzma, do you really want to kill me?
Just think of it as you're being let go,
that your life's going in a different direction,
that your body's part of a permanent outplacement.
Hey, that's kind of like what he said to you
when you got fired.
I know. It's called a cruel irony-
like my dependence on you.
I can't believe this is happening!
Then I bet you weren't expecting this
- No! - Aah!
Ha ha! Finish them off.
Kronk devil: Hey, you're not backing down now,
are you, big guy?
Uh, where's the other guy?
Sorry I'm late. So, what'd I miss?
Well, Yzma just tossed me this knife
and asked me to, you know, take them out.
Then this guy popped up and we waited for you,
and quite honestly-
Kronk! Why did I think you could do this?
This one simple thing.
It's like I'm talking to a monkey.
A really, really big stupid monkey named Kronk!
And do you want to know something else?
I've never liked your spinach puffs.
That's it. She's going down.
Now, now, remember, guys.
From above, the wicked shall receive their just reward.
All: That'll work.
Strange. That usually works.
And so does this!
Ah. Should have seen that coming.
Give me that vial!
Ah! Ha ha!
Oops. Clumsy me.
Yzma: Which one? Which one?
Better hurry I'm expecting company
Yzma: Kill them! They murdered the emperor!
No, wait! I'm the emperor! It's me-Kuzco!
They're not listening to me!
Just take 'em all!
- Yaah! - Yaah!
Hey, I've been turned into a cow.
Can I go home?
You're excused. Anyone else?
All: No, we're good.
We've gotta change you back. Try this one.
Uh, Pacha? A little help!
Come on! Come on!
Oh, please be something with wings.
Yeah! We're flying!
We're not getting anywhere with you picking the vials.
I'm picking the next one!
Fine by me!
Give me that one!
Don't you say a word.
- Aah! - Aah!
Quick! Drain the canals!
Pacha: Open up!
Yay! I'm a llama again!
- Aah! - Aah!
There they go! After them!
Come on, men! Nobody lives forever! Charge!
OK, only 2 left. It's gotta be one of these.
Ha ha ha ha! Ah ha ha ha ha!
I'll take that.
This is the one. This'll change you back to a human.
Ow! Hey, get her off!.
Kuzco: Get her off me!
Drink the potion!
OK, ok! Aah!
Where did it go? Where is it?
Yzma: Looking for this?
Is that my voice?
No! Don't drop it!
I'm not going to drop it, you fool!
I'm going to drink it!
And once I turn back into my beautiful self,
I'm going to kill you!
Ha ha ha!
Be right there! Give me a minute!
Uhh! Uhh! Uhh!
For the last time,
we did not order a giant trampoline.
You know, pal, you could have told me that
before I set it up.
Huh? Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Hoo hoo hee hee ha ha ha-
Pacha: The vial!
You thinking what I'm thinking?
Ah ha ha ha ha!
What are the odds of that trapdoor leading me out here?
Here, uh, let me get this for you.
Well, see ya on the other side.
Old man: Oh, now, you-you
you stop being so hard on yourself.
All is forgiven.
Oh, it's not the first time I was tossed out a window,
and it won't be the last.
What can I say? I'm a rebel.
Oh! Hey, I got to use that arm later.
OK, buddy, take care.
Ha ha. Ah, he's a sweet guy.
Kuzco: So, you lied to me
Yeah. You said when the sun
hits this ridge just right,
these hills sing.
Well, pal, I was dragged all over those hills,
and I did not hear any singing.
I'll be building my summer home
on a more magical hill. Thank you.
Hmm. Couldn't pull the wool over your eyes, huh?
No, no, I'm sharp, I'm on it.
Looks like you and your family
are stuck on that tuneless hill top forever, pal.
You know, I'm pretty sure I heard some singing
on the hill next to us.
In case you're interested.
Ha! Boom, baby!
Ha! Boom, baby!
Theme song guy: You'd be the coolest dude
In the nation
Or the hippest cat in creation
But if you ain't got friends, then nothing's worth the fuss
A perfect world will come to be
When everybody here can see
That a perfect world begins and ends
A perfect world begins and ends
A perfect world begins and ends with us
" My acorn is missing. "
Squeak squeaking squeak squeakity.
" Did you eat the acorn?"
Squeaker squeak squeak squeaking?
"You owe me a new acorn. "
Squeak squeak squeak squeak squeaker-
I'm so proud of you guys.
Sting: In the quiet time of evening
When the stars assume their patterns
And the day has made his journey
And we wondered just what happened
To the life we knew
Before the world changed
When not a thing I had
But you were kind to me
And you reminded me
That the world is not my playground
There are other things that matter
And what is simple needs protecting
Or my illusions all would shatter
But you stayed
In my corner
The only world I know was upside-down
And now the world and me
We know you carry me
You see the patterns in the big sky
Those constellations look like you and I
Just like the patterns in the big sky
We could be lost, we could refuse to try
But we made it through
In the dark night
Who would those lucky guys turn out to be
But that unusual blend
Of my funny friend and me
I'm not as clever as I thought I was
I'm not the boy I used to be because
You show me something different
You show me something pure
I always seemed so certain, but I was really never sure
But you stayed
And you called my name
When others would have walked out on a lousy game
And look who made it through
But your funny friend and me
You see the patterns in the big sky
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Those constellations look like you and I
That tiny planet and the bigger guy
I don't know whether I should laugh or cry
Chorus: Just like the patterns in the big sky
We'll be together
We'll be together till the end this time
You don't know, you don't know
Don't know the answer or the reason why
We'll stick together
We'll stick together till the day we die
If I had to do this all a second time
I won't complain or make a fuss
Who would the angels send
But that unlikely blend
Of those 2 funny friends