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差佬911
Reno 911 Miami

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CD1 CD2

1
Get the truck in.!

2
Damn it.! I said pull your men back.

3
I don't want any more casualties.

4
Get that news crew behind the line!

5
- Sir! - I got men down. I got rumors flying.

6
What the hell's going on down here?

7
We tried the urban assault tank. SWAT tried the roof.

8
The guys in there are pros, and, sir?

9
- They say they've got a nuke. - Jesus!

10
And I'm up for reelection. What are we gonna do?

11
Don't worry. We've called in some pros of our own.

12
Who the hell are those people?

13
- Sheriff's department. - The Reno Sheriff's Department-

14
the fiinest team of law enforcement offiicers ever assembled.

15
But where the hell's your commanding offiicer?

16
Ow. Ow. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

17
All right, talk to me, people. What do we got?

18
Thirty-fiive civilians on the 40th floor.

19
Twenty-two Chechnyan separatists, heavily armed.

20
They say they got a nuke, and I don't think they're just whistling "Dixie. "

21
All right, people, here's how this is gonna go down.

22
Jones, Garcia, head into the sewer system...

23
breach the perimeter of that building and get that nuke...

24
- before they flamb?half of Washoe County. - You got it, sir.

25
Kimball,Johnson, take up sniper positions, so and so.

26
- Got it. - Junior, I want you to shave Miss Acapulco...

27
- and shave her good. - All over it, sir!

28
Wait, hold on, man. How comeJunior gets to shave Miss Acapulco...

29
and I got to go down in the sewers?

30
Why does he have to shave anybody?

31
Oh, wow. I just had the weirdest dream.

32
You know you're driving, right?

33
Huh. Nobody in it.

34
Is somebody gonna get that?

35
Damn it!

36
My favorite thing about being a cop-

37
I love it when that perp get all scared of you.

38
You draw down on 'em. They get all scared.

39
"Oh, she about to kill me. Don't kill me. Don't kill me. "

40
I love that.

41
I became a cop because...

42
my doctors thought it would be a good idea...

43
for me to get out of the house.

44
I feel like I bring a real, uh, joie de vivre to law enforcement.

45
For example, my uniform, uh-

46
I don't wear the regulation uniform. I-

47
I wear these, uh, shorts.

48
And I actually had to lobby the sheriff's department to get to wear these.

49
Uh, but my argument was, hey, I'm out there on the streets.

50
I gotta be able to move like a cheetah, you know.

51
A law enforcement cheetah.

52
Let's go! Let's go! Let's move! Move! Move!

53
We got ourselves a 8-14- armed person on a roof.

54
I'll tell you right now, this is it. This is go time.

55
This is what working for the Reno Sheriff's Department is all about.

56
Let's do it, people. Move!

57
- We got a situation here, Dangle. - We got a chicken.

58
- What? - Chicken situation.

59
- That's not an 8-14.! - We got it-We got it wrong.

60
- Who called in the 8-14? - I did.

61
- Just chase him into the jacket, and I'll carry him. - What's an 8-14?

62
- Armed person on a roof. - Well-

63
- I thought a 8-14 was arson. - No, armed person on a roof.

64
- No, no, no, no. - Okay, okay, okay.

65
Stop, chicken! Stop!

66
- Ah, shit.! - Look out.!

67
I got it. I got him.

68
- Oh, shit. - Whoa!

69
Get it.! Get it.! Get it.! Get it.! Get it.!

70
Chicken!

71
- No, no! - I'm just knocking him out, that's all.

72
- Maybe he'll hold still. We can beat him to death. - Ready?

73
Ow! Shit! Whoa!

74
Can we all shoot at the same time?

75
You point and you shoot. Goddamn.

76
- Let's shoot at the same time? - Shoot at the same time.

77
Okay. That's the only thing that sort of makes sense.

78
- One. - No, I got Dangle's gun. Mine's out too.

79
- Is yours out? - Two-And then that way, we- we'll never know who did it.

80
Don't start a count and then stop.

81
- Oh, sorry. - Yeah, it's like a execution. Nice.

82
One-

83
- Sorry. My bad. - What the fuck?

84
One, two-

85
- What? I didn't know- - Okay, on-

86
- Okay, on- - Ah!

87
- What? - I'm out. - Am I out?

88
Oh, I wasn't out. Sorry. I thought I was out!

89
- They fit that little midget guy. - Aw, he's shitting.

90
- Should I call the newspaper and have 'em come take our picture? - No!

91
You do one on both legs.

92
I have applied, uh...

93
nine times...

94
to the Aspen Sheriff's Department.

95
Um, I'll tell you this in- in, uh, the utmost secrecy.

96
I- I just don't think I can do it in this town anymore.

97
You know, Reno's really a lot like Mayberry on the TV...

98
except that everybody's on crystal meth and prostitution's legal.

99
Fuck you!

100
- Ah, morning, gang. - Morning.

101
So, the trustees were up in the ducts all weekend...

102
and there should not be... too many more squirrels up in there.

103
So that sound that we were all hearing should, uh- should be gone.

104
- I hear it. - No.

105
- I knew they didn't get all of'em. - Want me to get it,Jim?

106
No more shooting in here. Have we not been over that?

107
- Yes. No, we have. - We don't shoot in here ever, right?

108
When do we shoot? When is it okay to shoot in the building?

109
Never.

110
- Hey! - Hmm?

111
Guess what, guys? We... have... been invited...

112
to the American Police Convention in Miami Beach!

113
- Oh! - Oh!

114
- Is this a joke? - What?

115
- Three days of fun in the sun. - Why did they invite us?

116
They invited us this year... because...

117
they invited everybody.

118
- I'll take it. - So they had to invite us by default. Yes!

119
Group hugs. Group hugs.

120
- I'm gonna pass out. - We get to stay in a hotel and everything?

121
- Yeah. - We do get to fly fiirst class, right?

122
Come on.

123
Flying in style.!

124
We, um- We are not flying-

125
I'm pooping.

126
Aah!

127
- Oh, Christ, I was dreaming. - Why was your hand on my dick?

128
I was dreaming that I was driving, uh, in the Indy 500.

129
Oh, God! Oh!

130
- Can we go look at the guns? - Yes, go look at the guns.

131
I'm gonna get our passes. Let's all regroup here in 90 seconds.

132
Oh, my God.

133
That's the Aspen Sheriff's Department.

134
Sheriff Wagner.

135
- Wrong bar, buddy. - No, no, s- No, sir. Uh, I apologize.

136
I'm in my, uh, civilian rig.

137
- You probably remember me from your- - Name?

138
Dangle. Lieutenant, uh, uh,Jim- uh,James Ron Dangle.

139
Uh, I sent you my r閟um?and-and some stats and a couple of letters of recommendation.


140
- Yeah. - And, um, about eight or maybe even nine times actually.

141
- There were nine. - Yeah. And you didn't get 'em, I guess.

142
We got 'em. Uh, we pass 'em around.

143
We have a pretty good laugh.

144
I didn't believe you were real. Here he is, guys.

145
This Dangle thing, I swear to gosh- We thought it was a joke.

146
- I haven't seen one thing- - Mm-hmm.

147
- in your fiile- - Sure.

148
that would indicate... our want of you.

149
So, thanks. No, thanks.

150
- I'd love to change your mind on that. - No, thanks.

151
Just want to press the- Okay.

152
Hi. Yeah, could you step away from the helicopter, please?

153
Yeah, ma'am, I was just explaining how I used to fly these...

154
- during the Marine Corps back in '82, '85. - Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

155
Is there someone above you? You, can I talk to you?

156
- There's, um- Is there yelling? - Who are you?

157
Hi, I'm, uh, Deputy Assistant MayorJeff Spoder.

158
- And you're- - Hi. LieutenantJim Dangle, Reno Sheriff's Department.

159
- Lieutenant Jim Dangle, Reno Sheriff's Department. - Is his name in the system?

160
I did it several times. He is not in the system.

161
- Trudy did the reservations, right? - I will do it again.

162
- You did a name and city search? - Or not.

163
- There's no Reno. - There is a Reno.

164
- I am aware that there's a Reno. - We have an airport.

165
- Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go! - Get him!

166
- Here we go. - Go and do it, Trudy.

167
What the fuck?

168
- I don't like yelling, okay? - If you won't give us our laminates...

169
- can we have at least, please, our hotel room keys? - We ain't got no place to stay.

170
- We've been on a bus for days. - There's no-

171
- You're not in there for hotel rooms. Sorry. - Hotel room keys...

172
are with the registration packets, the brochures and the laminates.

173
And give us all of those right now, please.

174
You can't have them because you're not in my system.

175
- What are we gonna do? - You know what?

176
I'll tell you what we're gonna do. We don't need these guys.

177
- No, we don't. - No. - Fuck 'em.

178
- We have each other. - Well, that wasn't-

179
- That's not-That's not better. - No, what I meant is...

180
we'll go someplace even nicer- That's what we'll do.

181
Hola. Schei?e.!

182
- Hi. - Hello.

183
- How are you? - Hello. Good.

184
How are you? Welcome to International Inn.

185
How many of them are you for my rooms?

186
Uh, there's eight of us for your rooms.

187
Eight. How- How many rooms do you need? One?

188
- Uh, we would prefer eight. - Eight.

189
Let's go see the entire hotel, shall we?

190
- I'll take you on a quick tour. - Well-

191
Then you can all get back to your suck fest.

192
Uh, A: we're not here for a suck fest, we're here for the convention.

193
- There's been a little mix-up, which is why- - Okay, I like convention "toos. "

194
- Okay. - Look at me. I'm in a convention.

195
A fucking suck fest convention here at International Inn.

196
Hey, assholes. More assholes for your big suck fest tonight.

197
How's the suck fest going, assholes?

198
You know the suck fest in here?

199
- How many rooms do you have, Glen? - I have-

200
- I have- uh, six rooms. - Just give us what you have.

201
- Can we have the keys to those? - You can have keys to six rooms.

202
- Okay, gang, and we'll- - This matches. Grab that one there.

203
- That's it. - No, hey. Hey. Hey.

204
What are you doing ?

205
This motel is like-

206
It's like the kind of place you'd come to if you wanted to get...

207
a good old-fashioned raping ...

208
or a down-home murder.

209
Okay, gang, I know we didn't get in.

210
- Yeah. - I know we're not staying at the nicest place in town.

211
But goddamn it, we're in Miami, people.

212
- We're in "Mee-ami. " - It's true.

213
This city's got hot Latin flavor up to its nuts.

214
Goddamn it. Let's go paint this town red. Let's do it, huh?

215
- Hey, bitch,you shut that kid up, okay?

216
Thanks for driving , man.

217
No problem.

218
Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

219
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

220
Take the night off,Joe.

221
Need some assistance there, ma'am?

222
- Hey, Clemmy. - Jimbo.

223
How ya doing ?

224
I'm so tired. I just feel like we've been here for years and years and years already.

225
Oh. Well.

226
- Let's go take- - I need to get some smokes.

227
Oh, okay. All right. Okay.

228
Good night.

229
Damn.

230
Hey, bro, check it out. Candy underpants.

231
It's a goof. Just a goof.

232
Hey,Jim.

233
You want to be a doll and help me lube up my sunburn?

234
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

235
Stop right there and take it all in.

236
I got some liquor. I got some ice.

237
- I'm not feeling well, baby. - Come here. Come here.

238
- Come here. - No, Ray-Ray, I'm- I'm-

239
I'm coming down with something.

240
Please?

241
Ooh, that pisses me off. That pisses me off.

242
- Hey, Ray. - Shut up.

243
- Oh! Oh, hey, I'm sorry. - Stop pushing up on me.

244
I don't appreciate you insinuating all the time that I am some lesbian.

245
- I'm sorry. - Thank you for apologizing.

246
This is, uh-This is Trill. This is my friend, Sugar.

247
We're gonna go play a little ball, aren't we?

248
We'll see you later.

249
Come on, ladies.

250
Oh.!

251
- What's up, girl? - Mr. Jones, huh?

252
- Yeah. Yes. - Mr. Jones.

253
Why don't you come give me some sugar?

254
- Speaking of bushes- - Whoa!

255
I don't know where there's one there.

256
Get one of these, uh- Get one of them.

257
- Huh? Get in a bush and- - No, I- I'm-

258
I don't know about that.

259
Oh.

260
I'm so sick.

261
Come on. Come on!

262
Oh, my God! Oh! Oh!

263
It ain't what it looks like.! It ain't what it looks like.!

264
Be gentle. Geez!

265
Oh, my God-

266
- Hey,Jonesy.! - Oh-

267
Man Speaking Spanish ]

268
Open up. I don't have a key to this door.

269
It's open.

270
- Oh, my God. Are you okay? - Oh!

271
I'm in love.

272
- Congratulations. - Um, you have a- a bandage on your teat.

273
For real. Like for real.

274
- A love bandage. - No, like a Ace bandage.

275
- Yeah, an Ace bandage on your- - On your boob.

276
Oh, my Go- If I have been stabbed, I am gonna be so pissed!

277
- Stop the room. Stop the room from moving, please. - Hold on. Hold on.

278
Hold on. Hold on. You have something on your boob for real. No joke.

279
That's him!

280
- Oh! That's him. - Huh?

281
- That's him. - Who?

282
This is the man that's been making sweet, dirty love to me all night long.

283
Kinda looks like Richard Petty, the NASCAR guy.

284
- Yeah. You've been making love with Richard Petty? - I don't know.!

285
I love him.

286
I have to fiind who this is.

287
- Well, no, we gotta go- - I have to fiind who this is.

288
No, we gotta go back to the convention center, guys.

289
No, you have to go buy me some cranberry juice...

290
'cause it's gonna be one of those days, I'll tell you.

291
- Oh, no. Yeast infection time. - I'll tell you.

292
- I'm gonna break this down for you one time.

293
- This looks bad. - We have a bioterrorism attack here.

294
- Holy fuck. - They were infected with a toxin to which we have no antidote.

295
It is not identified. Do we have any government offiicials here...

296
- from Miami- - I'm the assistant, uh, deputy mayor.

297
Jeff Spoder.

298
Right. What we need is someone who is high-ranking in the Miami Beach government.

299
They're all- Everyone above me, um, is-

300
is stuck in the convention center right now.

301
You quarantined them in there, so I'm the acting, uh-

302
I'm actually- I'm acting mayor right now.

303
All right, this is Acting MayorJeff Spoder.

304
If you need any offiice supplies, get some copies made...

305
a stapler, it's this guy.

306
I- I'd like to coordinate with your, um, team to a-assess and handle the-

307
I'd love to know where you are at all times so I can avoid you.

308
That would be helpful. Now-

309
We have an infectious contamination in this building.

310
We have quarantined it. We have plus or minus 2,000 law enforcement offiicers...

311
from all over this great United States of America in there.

312
- 2,130. - Do we have any police offiicers at all...

313
outside the confiines of this building?

314
Step up. Highest ranking offiicer.

315
Anybody?

316
Jesus Christ. You're in charge?

317
Sir, yes, sir. Wh-What are- What are ya-What's going on?

318
All right, right now we got the entire Miami Beach police force in there.

319
- Check. - That means that these streets right now are unpatrolled.

320
I need every one of you out there...

321
answering 911 calls, patrolling the streets.

322
Department of Homeland Security is gonna be maintaining the perimeter.

323
There is no police force of any kind outside the building?

324
How the hell have you not picked this up yet?

325
- Go out there, patrol the streets. - Right.

326
You're the only thing standing between complete chaos and order.

327
Check! We're on it!

328
The Reno Sheriff's Department at your service, sir!

329
- Where's the, uh- - Can we have a map?

330
- Where's the police station? - Where are we supposed to go?

331
It's all right. It's all right. I'm here.

332
- Rogers? - That's me.

333
Holy shit!

334
Rick Smith, SWAT.

335
They call me "The Condor. '"

336
I'm sorry I'm late to the barbecue. I was on a mission when I got the call.

337
Let me ask you a question, people.

338
What's the difference between bravery and courage?

339
- Oh, I know. Bravery is something that you do. - Shh. Shh.

340
Cour- Sorry.

341
Bravery is when you do something dangerous...

342
and you're not even scared.

343
Courage is when you're smart enough to know...

344
you should be scared, but you do it anyway.

345
Oh.

346
You will not fail.

347
I will not allow you to fail.

348
Under my watch, I will not allow you to fail.

349
As God as my witness, we will not fail.

350
Are you with me?

351
Uh-

352
- Are you with me? - Is that-

353
It's okay. I know what I'm doing. I know the thing is out of the thing.

354
This can come out. This stays like this.

355
- Okay. - Are you with me?

356
- Yes! - Are you with me?

357
- Yes! - How- Okay, the thing. Okay that came out now for real.

358
Wait. Wait. Wait.

359
No, it's okay. I got 10 seconds with these sons of bitches.

360
- I got 'em. - Wait a second.

361
Oh, fuck.

362
Oh, man! That's how blood splatters.

363
Um, so does that mean we're back in charge?

364
Yeah.

365
I scheduled a big Friday meeting.

366
Wow.

367
911-

368
Sheriff's department.

369
Hello- Hello?

370
- Sheriff's department. - Sheriff's department.

371
- Sheriff's department. - Sheriff's department.

372
Sheriff's department.

373
911. Uh, yes, sir, what is the nature of your emergency?

374
Okay, where are you?

375
No, in relationship to where I am.

376
I just have to check a map. I am s- Hold on. Hold on. Can you hold, please?

377
- Hello, sheriff's department. - All right, uh, I can't- I don't have a pen.

378
Uh, I don't have- I don't-

379
Okay, people! Let's roll!

380
- Dear Lord. - My, oh, my.

381
My ride is greater than your ride.

382
Hey, everybody. Everybody-

383
- Let's be careful out there, okay? - Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

384
- Oh. - Oh. - Oh, shit.

385
- Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm all right.

386
- I'm fiine. - Go ahead. Go ahead.

387
Supposed to be-

388
We could've hit 11 th and Ocean, like, fiive minutes ago.

389
Wait a second. Are we on a street?

390
I think we're in a- We're in a caf?

391
- I think we're in a caf? - We're in a caf?


392
Shit.

393
Sheriff's department.

394
Nothing - Nothing to see here.

395
It took us 40 minutes to get out.

396
If you would've turned right on Mar韆 Buena-

397
- You didn't tell me to. - I did tell you to.

398
- No, you didn't. - Don't tell me what I didn't tell you.

399
- Sheriff's department! - "El departmento de sheriff. "

400
- Oh! - Oh!

401
- Oh, hell. Shit, no. - Oh.!

402
- That's a North American alligator, man. - Ah, shit. Okay, what do we do?

403
Uh- Hell, let's just-

404
- Yeah, we should just go. - Let's just go.

405
Just let nature take its course.

406
Hello.! There y'all are. You trespassin;

407
- Sir. - You little sneaky trespassers.

408
- Get back in- No.! - Sir.

409
- Sir, please. Please get back in your yard. - How are we doing ? Hi.

410
- We got a situation here, sir. - Yeah, we got a situation.

411
- Couple blueberries coming in and making a fruit salad, huh? - Sir, please!

412
- Sir. Sir. - No. No! Hey!

413
- We can't allow you to go in the pool, sir. - Why not?

414
That gator won't bite. You scared of this pretty little thing?

415
- I don't know, sir. - You scared of this pretty little thing?

416
He's a gator. Where you from? Where you from, you don't know gator?

417
We're from Reno. We're not from here.

418
- Oh, shit. - Hey, look. Look here.

419
Rule number one for gator- you gotta respect it.

420
- You don't respect a gator, gator not respect you. - Don't touch it!

421
- Stop! - They got peripheral eye vision on the side.

422
I'm gonna come at him like another predator.

423
Not a prey, I come at him like a predator.

424
- Stop that. TJ., pleasejust stop all of this. - Now look at this.

425
Now watch this. Watch this. Watch this.

426
- No. - Oh, okay.

427
Don't even refle- 'Cause he respect me.

428
One, two, three, four, fiive, and then it split to a double.

429
That mean this gator 50 year old. He been attacked before.

430
He know how to approach. Now watch this. Watch this.

431
- No.! No.! - Watch for it.

432
- Come on now.! - I'm his daddy!

433
Come on. Get out. No.

434
- Okay. No. - Look at that. That gator don't bite. He don't do nothin;

435
Well, that gator dead.

436
Yeah, this gator's dead.

437
Aah!

438
This is the life. I am so gla-

439
How did we luck out, and all those other turkeys...

440
are dealing with that bio-attack?

441
I don't know. And guess what?

442
I don't care. 'Cause I'm shaking my shoulders.

443
- I'm shaking my shoulders. - Me neither. I don't care.

444
- Check it out. - Don't hate, ladies.

445
- Don't hate. - Don't hate on me.

446
- Don't hate on me. No, she didn't. - Stop it.

447
- Yeah. - Let me get your vernacular straightened out...

448
'cause I don't want you embarrassing me in case we meet some people.

449
Okay, so if somebody comes up to you and they say...

450
"Hey, Offiicer," what you gonna say back?

451
- Give it to me. - No- No, you didn't, bitch.!

452
- So if somebody says, "Hey, how you doing?" - Mm-hmm.

453
You just go, "What up, yo?" Got it?

454
What up, yo, player?

455
See, you keep putting extras on it. That's-You don't follow instructions.

456
- You just supposed to say exactly what I told you to say. - All right, try it again.

457
- Hey, how you doing? - Shut up, nigga.

458
I did it again. Ow!Jesus Christ, Ray.

459
- I'm hungry. - I'm afraid I did a terrible thing.

460
- What? - Well, I had to pee...

461
so instead of doing the whole bathing suit off...

462
I did the- the pull over and out the side.

463
Oh, yeah, where you pull it to the side.

464
And I think I dribbled a little bit.

465
?Coma mi amigo bailar en el discotheque-o?

466
I don't speak Spanish.

467
Hey! What the hell? Hey!

468
Shit! Ow!

469
How ya doing, guys? Eh?

470
- Uh- - Who is your little friend?

471
- We don't know him, sir. - Uh, we don't know that guy.

472
Oh, you don't know who this is?

473
No, sir.

474
You believe these guys?

475
Oh! Oh!

476
- I get really sick and tired- - I don't know you or anybody else-

477
Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

478
- We don't know him. - We don't know him.

479
I'm not a cop. I'm just- I'm here on vacation, man.

480
- How'd you know Mr. Big? - We don't know Mr. Big.

481
- What is your connection to Mr. Big? - We don't know Mr. Big!

482
- Why are you investigating me? - We're not- Huh?

483
Look, you guys are smart guys, right?

484
- Yeah. - I know this.

485
- No. No. We're not. - All the other cops are imprisoned in that building.

486
But you manage to walk the streets. I don't know how you escaped it.

487
We didn't-We couldn't get our passes, sir.

488
You're very smart.

489
Huh? Huh? Get my message?

490
Oh! Oh! Man!

491
- Ow! Goddamn! - Turn it off.

492
Sick fuck! Who brings a weed whacker on a boat?

493
You forget you ever see me.

494
Sheriff's department.

495
I got this tattoo the other day, um...

496
and I don't know where I got it, so I'm wondering if I got it here.

497
Why don't you, uh, come back here. Come take a look at it.

498
Mmm, yeah.

499
Okay, so, the tattoo's on the left, right?

500
- Mm-hmm. - So, I don't know why we're-

501
Well, you know, it's- it's as much about where it's not, as where it is.

502
Get a sense here, if I can-

503
- If I just- - That's some beautiful work.

504
Thank you. I'm hoping you guys can tell me whose it is...

505
because I'm really in pain here.

506
Hey! What the fuck?

507
- Oh. I was- - Our fucking toilets need snaking back there.

508
- I don't pay you to play grab-ass with the clients. - I was-

509
She came in and I- You weren't around, so I was just-

510
- Snake the fucking toilets. - Got it.

511
- See you later, Breen. - Fucking plumbers, man.

512
- Can I help you? - What's up?

513
So, we got a call that there was some lewd behavior going on on the boardwalk.

514
Possible prostitution.

515
Holy shit. Is that Terry?

516
That's Terry. That's one of our locals from Reno.

517
- Terry! - What?

518
- Hi! - What the hell?

519
- What you doing in Miami? - What's going on?

520
Look at your hair. That's fun.

521
- Terry, what are you doing here? - What do you mean?

522
I just flew in on my jet.

523
Terry, what are you- Did you follow us to Miami?

524
- Did you know we were coming down here? - No, I live here.

525
It's where my house is. I have 17 houses.

526
- This is where one of'em is. - Terry.

527
What did I do?

528
What-That's what we want to know. What did you do?

529
We got a call about lewd behavior on the boardwalk...

530
and you the only thing I see around here that could qualify... as lewd.

531
How is this- I'm not lewd at all.

532
I don't even know what- Lube or lewd?

533
- Terry. - What?

534
Why are you here, and what are you doing?

535
I just flew in. I'm recording an album.

536
It's called...

537
Terry:South Bitch:Live:

538
Fuck You, Dad.

539
And it drops in, uh, 2009.

540
Terry, when you are here, you are an ambassador for Reno.

541
Heavy on the "assador. "

542
South "be-otch. "

543
- Knock it off. - Listen-

544
- I'm on wheels, yo. - What are you covered in?

545
- Ew. Terry. - What? It's, uh, apple martini and lube.

546
- Ugh! - Come on, Terry.

547
That's not all you on. What else are you on?

548
- What else are you on? - I'm on fucking crack, yo.

549
The Department of Homeland Security has supplied us...

550
with some evidence collected by themselves and the C.D.C...

551
from the convention center.

552
And it is ourjob to put the pieces together.

553
Anyone have a theory?

554
Oh, my God!

555
- Fuck! Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck! - Put it back on!

556
Aaah! Whoo-hoo!

557
- Oh, God! Oh! - Come on. Be thorough, guys.

558
Oh! Aaah!

559
- You got some stunning abs. - Oh, thank you. You know, I do, uh- I work out.

560
- Really? - Uh, a good bit.

561
- Yeah, you yoga or something? - I do- I do it all. I do yoga-

562
- You flexible? - I'm pretty flexible.

563
The thing is now you want to be sure when you do it though, to just-

564
You gotta, uh- You gotta-

565
What you don't want to do is get- You want to get the waist up.

566
Oops.

567
- Oh. - Excuse me.

568
Whoo. Sorry about that.

569
- All the spicy food up in here in Miami. - Occupational-

570
Occupational hazard.

571
Okay, okay, what have we got?

572
C- C- C-

573
"Calmat?"

574
I noticed.

575
Boobs, boobs, boobs, boobs, boobs.

576
All right. Yeah.

577
Uh-

578
We gotta clear this beach. We gotta clear it now. I want good ideas.

579
Let's go. Boom. What do we got? Williams.

580
- You want me to come back to you? - Come back to me.

581
- Come back to you. Trudy Wiegel. - I have an idea,Jim.

582
- Yeah? - What about a telephone...

583
that you can actually smell through?

584
Uh, whale-related. Whale-related. Clearing the beach ideas.

585
- Not in- Not inventions. - I have nothing.

586
- Jim, if you think about it- - Who gave-Who gave topless a gun?

587
- Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! - Oh, no. No. Get down. Get down.

588
Okay, people, this is how we're gonna do it. Ready?

589
Here is our-What kind of whale do we think that is?

590
- Uh, sperm? - Big one?

591
- Black whale. - A narwhal. A narwhal.

592
- Here's what- Here's what we're gonna do. - Face the-

593
We are, per Travis- per Travis and Trudy both-

594
- What'd I do? - What we're gonna do is-

595
- Stick your butt in the air. - we are going to-

596
- You put your feet on it like that and then I'll help you. - get a rather large chainsaw-

597
- Jonesy!Jonesy! - We are going to make sushi cuts.

598
- Which is the hand-cut sushi and which is-when they roll- - Inside out roll.

599
We're gonna make some crosscuts, crosscuts, crosscuts.

600
- I- I like California roll. - Okay, we'll then roll each individual piece into a channel...

601
which we dig here to the ocean, per Travis.

602
- This is a channel to the ocean. - We're gonna chainsaw the damn thing?

603
- Yeah, into little sus- Which one's the hand-cut rolls? - No one's paying attention.

604
I have no idea what you're talking about.

605
Let's try and get it. It's only 15, 20 feet. How hard could it be?

606
In... fiive, six, seven, eight.

607
And-

608
Do it! It's going! She's moving!

609
- It's moving! - I can feel it!

610
Five, four, three. Hut!

611
Go,Jonesy.! Go.!

612
- Oh! - Oh. Oh.

613
Okay, ready, people, on my count.

614
One, two, three!

615
Oh! Oh! Wait!

616
Wait!

617
Get a Wet-Nap, people.!

618
Good God! We got a offiicer down. We need a Wet-Nap!

619
So, when the chips are down and it's fourth and, uh-

620
- uh, fourth and, uh- - Goal.

621
Goal. Who can you count on? LieutenantJimbo.

622
And... his associates.

623
Who shall remain nameless. There's too many of them to name at once.

624
- Trudy! Give me a "T." - No, we- they shall remain nameless.

625
His associates. Anyway, all right, here we go. You ready, peeps?

626
- Yeah. - Let's do it to it.

627
And- un, deux, trois.

628
Whoa!

629
- Go team! Go team! Aaah! - Ew! Ew! Ew!

630
Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew!

631
Ew.! Ew.! Ew.! Ew.!

632
You blew up a wha-

633
You blew up a whale on- on our- our beaches.!

634
There are people screaming at me now...

635
because you guys have been screwing everything up.!

636
You bunch of jerk heads!

637
P. Diddy's boat is all covered in whale.

638
And then Shaq's boat, a piece of... whale-

639
- Don't touch me! - Sorry, I was just-

640
Now, you people-you have to start acting like this is a crisis!

641
And you have to get your stuff together!

642
You need to strap it down!

643
And get it together.!

644
Now, I'm gonna go and listen on my phone...

645
to get yelled at some more!

646
So thanks!

647
- Sorry. - Bye,Jeff.

648
Okay, guys, nojoke. You heard littleJeffi.

649
We have got to strap it down.

650
- Okay? - What does that mean?

651
I have no idea. But you- He said it specifiically.

652
I think it means we've got to do better.

653
What the fuck, man?

654
- That's what the siren's for. - You gotta signal.

655
- You're supposed to signal.! - Use your signal, fuck head.!

656
Fucking deaf,dude.

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